Saturday, July 21, 2018

You know this life is so hard mentally.  I have lived all my life trying to do what is right.  But seems that on every turn I just get shot down.  My mom and sister used to always put me down.  I do not even think they even knew that they were doing it?  Or maybe I deserved it.  I am 67 years old and I am just tired of trying to do what everyone wants me to do.  I was born into the  LDS religion and I have never felt like it was the right religion for me.  I was always expected to do all these jobs in the church and I thought that was what God wanted me to do.  But I felt like they were taking over my life.  I want to make my own decisions about life.  At this stage of my life I just want to live a very simple life with simple things.  I do not really need people just my family.  Why is it that I can always read between the lines?  People say one thing but I interpret it as they want me to do something for them.  Is that wrong?  I think I should just act stupid and ignore my interpretation.  It is all mental.  I think way too much.  I am not going to do family search anymore because it seems like I am always doing something wrong and someone tells me about it.  However when I get into the records I find things that are wrong and I try to correct them.  the only person that I care about pleasing is God. 

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